Sunday, March 8, 2009

What's up?

That's the question I'm asking myself today. Maybe it has something to do with the time change. Maybe it's the almost full moon (not that I can see it tonight for all the rain clouds). Maybe it's just some cyclical thing. I don't know what it is. 

All I do know is that I'm restless. I can't focus. I can't knit more than a row at a time without putting it down for something else. 

I'm feeling uncharacteristically anxious, My mood is dark. I keep imagining various scenarios about things that have been on my mind, none particularly good, and it isn't helping. 

I keep listening to the same songs over and over, songs that match this unsettled mood...or are they feeding it? Hard to tell. 

I've had sudden, intense feelings of emptiness lately, almost a loneliness, a longing for things that are out of reach and outside of my control. The feelings come out of nowhere. They catch me short, and I have to consciously push them away. Perhaps today is an extension of this? A gray, rainy day with too little else of substance to keep my mind otherwise occupied?

I have days like this (maybe we all do?) -- acute, not chronic -- but I don't like them. 

Tomorrow is Monday. I can get back to routine. I can go to the gym and perhaps work out whatever it is that is wound up inside me. Hopefully tomorrow will be more settled.


Denise said...

IT IS MARCH. It has been winter or mostly-winter for a looooong time. Remember "April is the cruelest month?"

Be kind to yourself-- you are working hard (and I'm jealous!)

Denise said...

Write me-- when you get back if you want to. Or call.