Monday, March 10, 2008

So many thoughts...

Do you ever have periods in life when you feel bombarded by thoughts and feelings about some really important thing? Like you're being faced with some cosmic crossroad that a million individual things feed into? No? Yes?

Well, that's where I've been lately. There's been this Big Issue in life that I've been dealing with (or, at times, avoiding dealing with) for the past couple of years. It's nothing anyone else would know about unless I've shared it with them, so any random person looking at me probably would not see that there is a Big Issue dogging me. The close friends I've shared it with are, by now, probably tired of hearing me talk about it but are too kind to say anything. They listen, but they really cannot give me the answers I need. I have to find them on my own. Somehow, talking about it, verbalizing it all, has been therapeutic for me...or so I tell myself. Frankly though, at this point, I'm tired of hearing me talk about it.

I've largely opted to take the "ignore it and it might go away" tactic with it, but that really hasn't worked with this Big Issue. The Big Issue has always been just under the surface, poking me on a regular basis to remind me that it is still there, awaiting my attention. And because I haven't dealt with it -- because I really haven't known what to do -- I have been very unhappy in this one area of my life. And it is starting to affect other areas of my life more and more.

So suddenly, I find myself taking pro-active steps in dealing with my Big Issue. Mostly small, tentative pro-active steps, if there are such things, because I'm still not sure where it all might lead and it is, well, scary. I'm stepping out into the unknown, because it is the only place left to go.


Amy said...

Bravo for taking the baby steps, friend. If the Big Issue is what I think it is (and even if it isn't), I'm not tired of hearing about it. Just sad I can't offer any answers. Way to be proactive...I suspect there are exciting things around the corner and surprises in store. Take heart: this season cannot last forever!

Angela Giles Klocke said...

Ummmm...yeah, I know where you are, in a sense. (((HUGS)))