Thursday, August 14, 2008

Anxious legs...

orange socks
A pair of pretty, newly finished socks for my anxious legs.

It sounds weird, doesn't it? Anxious legs? I have a long history of anxious legs, and it has nothing at all to do with legs that want to be moving. Everyone has experienced "butterflies" in the stomach, no? Usually when you're excited or nervous or anticipating something? Right. Well, I get the same thing, only I get it in my legs. Butterfly legs. I know. Weird.

What triggers this odd malady? Thinking about the future. Planning. Thinking about planning. Getting ready to make a list to help me plan. In other words, it's a pre-cursor to planning. Seriously. Once I sit down and get the planning underway, it subsides. But as I sit and think, say, about making a list of things I want to accomplish in the next six months, for mind starts to visit all the things I could write down, and immediately, my legs get butterflies.

As I look at my stash and think of all of the wonderful projects I want to knit, and how I might be more organized so this actually happens...butterfly legs.

As I sat today at Starbucks and started outlining objectives and curricula for our upcoming school year, and all of the cool things we might do as we study...butterfly legs.

As I think about all of the things I want to share with my daughter as she grows into a beautiful young woman...anxious butterfly legs.

What is this all about? Why does the thought of these things have this affect on me? I've never considered myself prone to anxiety issues. I don't easily get nervous. Yet, planning -- something I love to do! -- triggers this weird reaction. 

I wonder if maybe it has something to do with potential. When I begin to plan something, I'm acutely aware of the potential that plan holds...that the individual elements of the plan a bagful of marbles just straining to break free. 

Perhaps what I'm feeling is not so much anxiety as it is energy. Potential energy. Once it is set in motion, becomes kinetic, the marbles break free and feeling dissipates. 

Interesting. Someone should study this.

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