Never forget?

Ten years ago, I was in the middle of my morning homeschool routine with our then five and six year olds. A friend called me and told me I needed to turn on the television because she knew I wouldn't have it on at that time of day and that I wouldn't know what was happening. She was right. I turned it on just seconds before the second plane hit the World Trade Center.

I will never forget that moment. Or that day. How can I?

In some ways, it's hard to believe ten years have passed since the day we will always know as 9/11. Yet, for those families who suffered losses of loved ones, I'm sure it feels differently. Life as we knew it -- both here and abroad -- hasn't been the same since, and yet I admit...I'm kind of put off by the sentiment, "Never forget."

Like it would be possible to forget?

How can I forget the destruction I witnessed as it was happening? That isn't an image that leaves you.

How can I forget the aftermath, not just to our country, but personally? Had it not been for 9/11, I wouldn't have been awake as early as I was on 9/12, at which time I happened upon something that was going on within our family that turned out to be the beginning of many years of heartache. 9/12 was, in effect, my own personal 9/11, the aftermath of which has been no less tragic.

More recently, how can I forget that had it not been for 9/11, my oldest son most likely wouldn't have spent seven months in Afghanistan this year, where he sustained injuries when he was caught in an IED explosion? Thankfully, his injuries were not severe. But every time I see the scars on his face and left arm, I'll remember that day and the reason for it. How can I forget it?

Truthfully, I would like to be able to forget the pain that was wrought on 9/11, both directly and indirectly. Being told to not forget it seems to imply there is a benefit to holding on to that pain, to not letting go of the horror, to nurture it in some way so that it is always there. How is that at all helpful to anyone?

It may seem a matter of semantics, but I believe it would be more productive to encourage people to "always remember"...remember what happened. Learn from it. Make positive changes to try to avoid it in the future. Remember it enough that we can take something edifying from the ashes. But the pain, the anguish, the raw images? They'll never completely go away, even if we wanted them to. I don't think we need to nourish them beyond that.

Hi! Remember me?

So, back in April when I moved the videocast over to it's own blog, I fully intended to leave this one up and to continue to blog here about my own personal knitting and fiber and life stuff. Heh. That worked well, eh?

Sorry.

Really didn't mean to leave you hanging like that.

If anyone is still checking in here after four months of radio silence, I'm happy to tell you that I am going to begin blogging here again, f'realz. Not sure if it is the impending change of seasons or what, but I'm feeling that old familiar feeling of wanting to blog again, to get back into a routine (in general, really, not just in the blogosphere). Not sure how often I'll be able to post, but I'll try to make it regular.

A few things that have been going on in my life since you heard from me last...

 I went to Spring Fling in April, where I got to hang out with Steve from Dramatic Knits...

 ...and with Stacy from Tempted Yarns.

 In June, the kids and I spent a week in Florida visiting my mom and stepdad...

 ...and spent lots of time on the beach and in the sun.

 ...and I endured the after effects of a really ill-fated decision to try platinum highlights (this was after they were "fixed" but still...ugh...)

 It got hot and we all had to find ways to stay cool. Muffin's favorite way has been to sprawl on the wood floors like this.

In July, I got a new tattoo!

 And at the beginning of August, we went to NC to welcome our oldest home from his seven months in Afghanistan!

Then I got to spend the next weekend back in NC, taking my grandson to visit with his dad for a few days. First time they saw each other since January. What a happy day!

And of course, there has been a lot of dyeing for the shop, and a LOT of knitting!

Bakersfield

 Plain ribbed socks out of some of my hand-dyed yarn...

 Springtime Bandit out of some of my handspun...

 Flutter-by Socks out of a colorway called Tiny Umbrellas!

 The Arcadian Shawl, which was my first Camp Loopy project. I finished my second project, too, but the third has done me in. I'm a Camp Loopy drop out!

And I've done a bit of designing, too!

The Twistygoo hat...a free pattern downloadable on Ravelry. :)

I'll stop there. I've got more to share, but it can wait! I will say I have a couple more patterns in the works...a sock pattern that is out to test knitters right now, a shawl pattern I need to edit and get out to testers, and another sock pattern that I'm still knitting and writing up. So, yeay!

And we started our 12th homeschooling year on Monday, definitely a harbinger of fall!

Knitting Monogamy?

I've noticed this strange trend in my knitting lately, one that is largely reflected in my non-large WIP list over to the side. I've been working on fewer items at the same time! In fact, I often find myself focusing on one project at a time. Really! I've never been like this before. It's strangely fulfilling, yet odd. Remember, a couple years ago around this time, I was busy spending my January finishing up WIPs in an effort to get their number down into the single digits. Now, there are a whole two projects over there! There were three a few hours ago, but then I finished these:

This was my original pair of January "Plain Vanilla" Year of Stash Socks (YOSS) socks. That pair of worsted weight socks I made for my son slipped in there and ended up being my first pair for the month, but this was the pair I set out to make. They're made from Regia 4-ply, a Kaffe Fassett colorway. I love them because they will go with my Danskos perfectly! I'm irked with them, though, because they stripes do not match up. I have never been too anal about making my socks all matchy-matchy, but with such clear stripe patterns as this, I like to try. However, the first ball of yarn had a knot in it, and the splice did not follow the stripe pattern, thus the right sock, halfway up the cuff, is off. In retrospect, I could have either wound off the yarn until I got the correct color to keep that one in pattern, or I could have matched the color disruption on the second sock. But I did not think to do either of those things. At any rate, I love the colors, and at least the portion that will show when I'm wearing them with my Danskos will match.

Anyway...knitting monogamy. Whodathunkit?

On another front, I set about re-organizing my sock yarn the other day. That means that I pulled it all out of its bins and have since been arranging it in piles on the floor and in baskets, realizing I have more sock yarn than any one person needs, but that will likely not stop me from purchasing more in the future. I know. It's a sickness.

Anyway...see those two empty cubbie cubes? All that sock yarn is supposed to fit into them. Heh. Probably isn't going to happen. That's why it's all still on the floor. I must now figure out how to re-arrange and condense some other yarn cubbies to open up one more for my precccccioussss sock yarns. Because we lovvvvves it. :)

New Year, Distraction

How sad that it's taken me six days into 2011 before I've finally gotten to blog. I blame it on my current state of distraction. After a blessedly wonderful holiday break, I am currently distracted by many things. I've spent over 50 hours driving since the Monday before Christmas, making two down-and-back trips to North Carolina. I have one more to make this weekend, though I'm hoping I'll have another driver to help this time. I've been distracted by the trips, and I'm distracted by the purpose of this upcoming trip - seeing our oldest son one last time before he deploys with his Marine unit. I'm distracted to the point that nothing else will remain in focus because all I can think about is that he will be gone, far away, for many months. It will be the first time in my life - in his life - that he will been somewhere that I cannot go and visit him if I so choose. He will not be tangible, and I am disliking it mightily.

And most recently I am distracted by my husband pointing out the huge effing storm that is going to make its presence know right along the 700 mile path we'll have to drive home on Tuesday. He wants to come home a day early, and I do not. I am a mother. I will drive 700 miles at 5 miles an hour if it means getting to spend one extra day with my child before he goes away to do his duty in a war on the other side of the world.

So I'm trying to distract myself from my distraction. I lure it away for short periods by knitting, by watching Stargate Universe on Netflix (I suppose I should be glad he's only going over the ocean and not to the other side of the universe, though for all intents and purposes, it really doesn't seem much different), and by pretending to be productive. I start a task, but then I get...distracted. I feel like my mind has taken a vacation and forgot to call the temp agency for a replacement.

I'm sure this will pass. Eventually I'll be back to my normal self (which isn't completely without distraction, to be honest) instead of feeling fuzzy and disoriented, the way you feel after taking a too-long afternoon nap, waking after it's gotten dark. But for now, I'm trying to ride this out and hope for the best.

How's 2011 going for you?

2010: A Year in Knitting

For the fourth year now since I've been knitting hardcore, I feel the need to do an accounting of and document my year's fibery achievements. Actually, I feel the need to create a spreadsheet about them, but it being nearly midnight and I'm on my second glass of Saki, it's best that I just blog about them.

In 2010, I finished 52 WIPs! I originally thought this was a record, but in doing a quick calculation (because I can't find my calculations for past years anyplace...though I know they're around) based on my Ravelry projects page, I see that in 2007, my first big knitting year, I amassed 53 FOs. (That was the year I did a LOT of the same project, over and over...mitts, hats, felted bowls...that had to bump that number up.)

Still, 52 is nothing to sneeze at. It means I averaged one FO per week. Considering the year that this was (adjectives I might use: stressful, chaotic, unsettled, aggravating, scattered), I think that's pretty good.

Just for the sake of comparison, in 2008, my FO tally dropped to 46 and stayed there in 2009. Those years, though, I also was doing larger projects, and I'd also started spinning, which vied for some of my knitting time. So, still, pretty respectable.

(Just a note here that I realize I'm coming at this as if it is some Olympic-grade competition, which it clearly is not...at least not anywhere but in my head, and I'm only competing against myself.)

Because I know you won't be able to sleep unless I give you the specific break down of my FOs, I've done the math for you (because I care, dontchaknow ;))...

This year, I knit:

8 Shawls
8 Pairs of socks
8 Stuffed things/toys
7 Hats
5 Sweaters
4 Scarves
3 Cowls
2 Cozies
2 Baby sweaters (both test knits)
2 Dishcloths
1 Dog sweater
1 Pair of mittens
1 Mutant blob of a blanket

Numbers aren't everything. I like to think I'm also becoming a better knitter, not just a prolific one. In general, I feel confident that the more I knit, the better I get at the craft in general. I've definitely become a far better continental knitter this year, to the point that I hardly ever throw anymore, unless I'm binding off. As far as techniques, I learned how to do applied i-cord and got far better at cabling without a cable needle. I'm much more confident in my lace knitting abilities, and I am more sure than ever that I hate feather and fan. (I'm not sure that last one counts as an achievement, but it is most certainly a fact.)

I did some test knitting this year, which I enjoy doing. And I continued to spin, though I didn't have the time to spin as much as I'd have liked. (Tour de Fleece was a big fail for me this year.)

One very big achievement this year in my knitting world wasn't even directly related to the craft but instead facilitated it: my new knitting room/office. Right now, it is doubling as my grandson's bedroom while he's visiting, but I'm looking forward to much more creating and inspiration from that room next year.

Looking head to 2011, I want to continue to challenge myself with the projects I choose to make. I want to be more selective in what I knit and what yarn I use, because life is way too short to knit things you don't enjoy, and there's too much good yarn out there to knit with fiber you just aren't loving.

I'm planning to do a stashdown the first four months of 2011, leading up to Spring Fling at the end of April. (Yes, I got in again! Third year! Yeay!) Except for special circumstances, I really want to be good and knit only from my stash. I've joined Stashdown 2011 and Year of Stash Socks on Ravelry to help me with this goal. I'm also going to be more active in putting yarns up on my trade/sell page at Ravelry. I know I'll probably always have a stash of SABLE proportions, but I'd really love to get it down to a little more manageable size.

I also want to make better use of my pattern resources. I have so many books and pattern PDFs that I have never knit from, and I want to change that. My goal (not just for this coming year, but ongoing) is to try and knit at least one pattern from each of the knitting books and magazines I own, and if I can't find even one pattern I like enough to knit, or if the book/magazine doesn't have something else meaningful in it, then I'm going to get rid of it. (That said, I'm not going so far as to say I won't be buying new books and magazines. If I'm not allowed to buy yarn, I have to have SOMEthing to get me by, ya know? ;))

Lastly, I intend to put more energy into designing this year. Check that. I intend to put more time and energy into writing up my designs and publishing them. I actually did design a fair few projects this year, and I managed to get a few of them up on the site. But I have so many more I want to release. I really want to focus more time and attention on that. I said that last year, and it didn't really happen. I hope to change that in 2011.

So, those are my reflections on 2010 and my thoughts toward 2011. I hope you all have some good things you can carry with you from this past year (I know that for a lot of people, 2010 kinda sucked, but still, you have to find value in the small, bright points where you can, you know?) May 2011 be good to you all...health, contentment, and always lots of fibery goodness. :)

Happy New Year, my friends!

Love what you own, use what you love...

So, the main goals of this summer's house projects were to replace crappy old carpet with pretty new flooring and to repaint walls that desperately needed sprucing up. So far, so good! We are definitely attaining those goals.

However, I also had some sub-goals for this house re-do project, because I can never have too many goals, it seems. My sub-goals went like this: 1) Get rid of all the stuff I just don't love/need/want/use anymore and 2) make better use of the things I do love and already own while 3) repurposing as many things as possible in order to 4) avoid the purchase of too many new things that have the potential to just turn into stuff I no longer love/need/want/use at some future date.

I've been doing a fantastic job with #1. As I mentioned the other day, we just gave a porch load (literally) of stuff away to the Vets last week. In addition, I have a few things I'm going to try to sell on Craigslist, if I ever get my arse in gear and figure out just how to do that. And I have some other things that I'll likely put on my local Freecycle list. It really does feel good to get rid of things, whether I get some cash for it or not.

In cleaning out though, I realized I have a lot of things that I love but don't use nearly as often as I should, considering how much I love them. This realization is what prompted #2. My pottery collection is a good example. I started buying pottery several years ago, usually at fairs or when I'm vacationing and find a good pottery studio. I love supporting artists, and while I may not be a crystal or china person, I love pottery. So, when I was moving things out of the china cabinet the other day, which is where my pottery is happily housed and displayed (it long ago displaced my grandmother's china that I pretty much never used), I asked myself why in the world don't I use it more often? I have a couple bowls I use pretty regularly, but that's it. I'm determined to make better use of these pieces from now on.

#3 and #4 are sort of a set. When I'm doing a house project like this, where my rooms are changing in major ways, I know it's inevitable that I'm going to need to buy some new things. Like fabric to make new valances for the windows, and in the case of our new floors, I'm going to need to buy area rugs because we've never needed them before. However, the temptation is there to buy other new things too. For instance, I'd love to get some new lamps for the bedroom, and a new comforter for the bed. And maybe some fun new things to hang on the walls. But really, I don't need these things, and I don't want to spend a ton more money than what we're already spending.

So, I'm making every effort to repurpose other things in the house so I don't have to buy a lot. In the process of cleaning out and moving things around, I've uncovered some things I forgot I had, things I really love but never had the place for them before. Now I do, and I'm going to use them. And I'm also going to make better use of the myriad photographs I've taken in recent years. Prints are pretty cheap, and I have a ton of frames here on hand. I want to be better about putting them out where we can all enjoy them instead of leaving them languishing on my computer's hard drive.

I'm not a patient person by nature, and it's frustrating to me when I think of how long it's going to take to put all the finishing touches on the rooms. But, frankly, it's exciting too! And I can't wait to see how it all ends up! :)

12 Days into July...

...and I haven't blogged yet. Sigh. I'm sorry. I really suck lately.

Can I just say that there is NO WAY summer should be almost half over already?? It is not possible! I'm trying to figure out what I've accomplished so far. Some knitting, yeah. (Spinning? Not so much. Alas, TdF has been pretty much a giant fail for me this year.) Hubby and I actually got most of the basement cleaned out in one day last week. That was good. Lots of running around. Still going to the gym. And trying, always trying, to be productive. Not always successful, but hey. 

I'm trying to be more mindful these days of people rather than of plans. See, I planned to get a buttload of house projects done this summer. And I planned to really get out and be active, aside from the gym. And I planned to get my arse organized, for pete's sake. And if I lived in a vacuum, with no other humans around me, I might actually accomplish all of these things. But I don't. There are people in my life, and these people expect me to interact with them. I love these people, and as a rule, I don't mind interacting with them. But sometimes, I get a little tunnel vision thing going, and all I can see are my plans to do, do, do, and when I get like that, those people just seem to be in the way. And that's not fair to them.

So, I'm really trying to focus more on the people I love. My kids, God love 'em, though they are teens, still seem to want to be around me. I'm trying not to take that for granted because I know that could change without warning. My grandson has been here off and on in recent weeks, which is always a special joy. Five year olds are busy people, lemme tell ya! I'm trying to make sure I'm as here in the present with him as I can possibly be, because once he goes home, who knows how long it will be until I'll see him again.

Additionally, I'm trying to be mindful of not ignoring my friends in the midst of this busyness. Phone calls and lunch dates aren't happening as much as they used to, but I'm still trying to stay in touch. We're all busy, though, and it does take a conscious effort. Then I have a good friend who is recovering from surgery, and I'm trying to help her as much as I can, because she's not able to do a whole lot right now. And sadly, just last week, our family lost a friend to suicide. She was a young mom from our church who worked with the youth group...had a wonderful passion especially for the middle school girls, hence my daughter knew her quite well. Both kids were shaken deeply by her death, and I've just been so, so sad for her husband and children. But it's been a stark reminder to me to appreciate my family more, to remember to tell the people in my life whom I love just how important they are to me. Life is precious. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. Losing someone like Megan in this way, someone who had so much to live for, needs to be redeemed in some way, you know?

All that to say...I'm here, I'm busy, I'm trying to focus on the important things -- people, relationships -- and not just checking off my to-do list this summer. And right now, I'm tired. I seriously need a good night's sleep. So if this post is rambly and doesn't make a lot of sense, I'm sorry. I'll try to do better next time. Until then, go hug someone. ;)

A day to wallow

Today I decided to give up on attempting to do anything responsible and productive. After what started as a pretty fantastic week, it ended with a pretty big slide into the abyss. On top of the sadness that continues to be Haiti, the economy, and other general whacked news, I'm missing my boys who went home to NC on Thursday, a friend's house burned down, another friend lost his job, and stupid, unwanted drama is rearing its ugly head in my world again far more than I'd like. Needless to say, my mood was not at an all-time high today.

Thus, I deemed today stay-in-my-jammies day, and that's what I did. (Actually, I showered around 3:30 this afternoon and then put my jammies right back on. It was THAT kind of day.) I spent the day largely on my arse, drinking coffee, knitting and watching stuff on the DVR. And of course there was plenty of laptop time. And I ordered pizza for dinner because it was not going to be a cooking day.

A day of slugdom and wallowing like this does wonders, it really does, because I'm feeling much better than I did earlier today. By tomorrow, barring anything unforeseen, I should be right as rain and back to my usual chipper self. At least, one can hope.

Some favorite fiber projects of '09...

Click here to get to the Flickr page for it where you will find notes about each project. (Clicking on the photo here will only get you a huge-arse version of it...I need to fix that somehow. Sorry!)

This isn't a complete collection of all I did in 2009, but it is a good representation not only of my knitting but my spinning and designing as well. What strikes me this year is how few large projects I did. Sweaters, mainly. Last year was a big sweater year. This year, not so much. Disheartened over the fact that none of my handknit sweaters fit me anymore (a downside, if you will, of losing weight...though I'll take the weight loss and sacrifice the sweaters any day!), I didn't feel much of an urge to devote large quantities of yarn and time to something I might not be able to wear next year, as I'm still hoping for some more poundage to disappear.

Overall, though, I'm really pleased with my 2009 projects and the skills and progress they represent, the biggest addition to my skill set last year being spinning. I'm not an expert, by any stretch, and I'm also not a perfectionist spinner. My yarns will likely never be terribly consistent in weight or twist, but I'm ok with that. I like the rustic look my yarns have. They are what make them mine. And they've worked just fine for the projects I've knit them into, and that's what counts.

If there was one thing I wish I would have done in 2009 that I didn't, it would be to have designed more. I did create a lot of projects on the fly -- hats, mostly -- but I only finished one to the point of writing it up and publishing it, and that was just last month! Here's hoping I may be somewhat more prolific in 2010.

Looking back...

Here we are, at the close of 2009. It's always tempting to say, "Already??" but this year has been so full and so good and so well-spent, that I can't really say that. What I can say is that for the first time in my life -- at least in my adult life -- I feel like I fully lived my year, and that is such a good feeling!

By far, the biggest thing that happened this year was the changes I made in myself physically. I lost a total of 48 pounds from the end of November 2008 (when I decided, on a whim, to take up kickboxing) until today. During that time, I not only stuck with the kickboxing, but I came to love it. It's always a challenge and is never boring. I know I am physically healthier, but the kickboxing and subsequent weight loss has changed me in other ways that I find hard to describe. I just know that I'm a happier, more fulfilled person than I've been in a very long time.

And just for the sake of comprehensive documentation, my physical activities for the year also included a day of snowshoeing in January, an orienteering hike with my family in June, an impromptu photo hike and a day on the river kayaking with Angela in July, a hike in the Laurel Mountains with the kids during an unseasonably warm spell in early November, and (mostly) weekly indoor rock climbing sessions with my daughter through most of this fall.

Related to the health improvements are the changes I made to my eating habits. I was successful in cutting from my diet a lot of refined sugars, white flour-y/starchy carbs, processed foods, and grease. For the first time, I've clearly discerned a distinct connection between what I put in my body and how my body feels and performs. This has been reinforced for me this holiday season as I've indulged in a lot of sugary crap that I hadn't been eating, and as a result, I have felt miserable from it. Not miserable as in guilty, but physically ill. Hopefully this will serve to solidify my resolve to continue eating healthily in the future.

And in my effort to eat better, I tried again -- and more successfully than ever -- to be a gardener. My little salad garden produced greens galore as well as other yummy veggies including delicious cukes and cherry tomatoes, at least until the blight hit in late summer. It was good while it lasted, though! Our large garden didn't fare as well. An early rain -- flooding rain -- destroyed a lot of it early in the summer, and it never really flourished after that. Oh, the weeds flourished mightily, but they plants couldn't really compete.

We did, however, end up with a nice crop of pumpkins by fall. And my flowers...they flourished beautifully all summer and well into fall!

Knitting continued to be a huge part of my life this year. I completed approximately 45 projects this year (which includes finishing some things that had been started the year before). The biggest project I completed was my afghan swap afghan. What's funny is that of the 20 squares in my afghan, I only knit 2 of them. But there are 18 other squares out there in the world in other people's afghans that I did made, so it all works out. I love how mine came together and I really enjoy curling up under it. I again made charity hats each month, which I love to do (I still have my stash of hats, too...they need a home! If you know of a homeless charity that could use them, please let me know.)

While I may not have learned a ton of new knitting techniques this year, I did gain a lot of knowledge when it came to spinning. Having gotten my spinning wheel at the very end of 2008, spinning itself is a skill I definitely improved in a lot this year! I also had the enjoyment of knitting with some of my own handspun yarn this year, and I got to take part in Tour de Fleece with my wheel instead of trying to drop spindle like I had previously. Much more successful!

I traveled a lot this year. Crazy a lot, especially in the first half of the year. In March, Kevin and I went on a weekend jaunt to Virgina and Maryland -- first to visit Mt. Vernon and then to attend the Handspun Yarn Party. In April, we escaped a late season snow when we went to Florida to visit my mom over Easter. In a quick turnaround, I then headed off to St. Louis for The Loopy Ewe's Spring Fling knitting retreat. What fun that was! (So excited that I get to go again!) On the heels of Fling, I drove myself down to my very first fiber festival, Maryland Sheep & Wool. And if one fiber festival is good, two are better, so I drove west with Cosy to the Great Lakes Fiber Festival later in May. At this point, I was sufficiently traveled out and did not get in my car for any road trips until I went to Plymouth, PA at the end of August and again over Halloween weekend to watch my friend Sho in her two fights. Then in November, I drove my son and grandson back to NC after Thanksgiving and enjoyed a couple days' hiatus from real life.

On the family front, we continued to homeschool, beginning our tenth year this fall, which is also our first high school year. I went to my 25th (!!) high school reunion in August and then turned 43 in September. My mom and step dad came to visit in early October, which was so nice. And then Muffin came and joined our family later that month! And also this fall, Angela and I started VoaT, which we hope to continue through the new year.

There have been some rough spots in our extended family this year, with illnesses and personal trials, but I think it is safe to say we all managed through. Sometimes, that is the best you can do, you know? On a bright note, we did get to spend a lot of time with our grandson this year, as he spent several chunks of time up here in PA visiting with all his grandparents. What a blessing that was. He may not remember those times as he gets older, but I will always treasure the time we had to spend with him this year.

I'm sure there are other things I could note about my year, but I'll spare you. Much of this is probably redundant in that I've already blogged a lot of it as it was happening. Writing it out in this summary form, though, helps me realize just how good a year it has been...how full and rewarding it was. I am so thankful for this life of mine. I know it is fragile and could change in a heartbeat. So I take this time now to thank God for all that has been this year -- even the hard moments -- and pray his blessing on the year to come.

Christmas snow!

We enjoyed a most wonderful early winter snow storm this weekend. While we got a modest 6" here, compared to what those in other areas received, I'll take it! It's beautiful!

It came down overnight Friday into Saturday and continued until Saturday night before finally coming to an end. What made it more beautiful for me was that I had nowhere to go on Saturday, so I could just enjoy being snowed in and watching it fall. I spent a good part of the day in the dining room where I had a wonderful view of this winter wonderland while I was wrapping gifts. Then I sat and spent time knitting by the light of the Christmas tree. What a perfect day it was!

This was, as far as we know, Muffin's first chance to ever be out in a big snow. Well, big for her, anyway...

It was hard to get a good picture of her because she just wanted to leap and bound around in it! Leaping was essential to her, as those six inches came up to her furry little belly. She was so cute! She kept sticking her muzzle all the way into the deep snow, then she'd snuffle and sneeze after inhaling it. Then she decided it tasted great and spent a lot of time eating it. What's funny is that Kevin actually plowed a path to the side yard where she has her potty spot, but when she walks over there and meets the wall of snow at the end of the path -- which separates her from her favorite potty tree -- she won't go unless she traverses the high snow and gets to the tree! She is not interested in going at the end of the plowed path. Too funny.

I've gotten some knitted gifts finished, but I'll wait until they get to their intended recipients before posting photos. And aside from a few minor items, I am happy to say that I am ready for Christmas! I only had one day last week where I totally went into freak-out mode, but ever since, I've been fine. Baking is done, cards are (mostly) out, gifts are all bought and (mostly) wrapped. Today will be our last day of school before taking two weeks off. And I can't quit thinking about just how blessed I feel right now. Life is good, thank you God! :)

Winds of change...

I was just telling a friend last night that I've been feeling the winds of change blowing around me lately. Some things are changes I have no control over, others are things I either want or need to change and am still figuring out how best to accomplish those changes.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is my blog. Generally speaking, I enjoy blogging. But lately I haven't been very enthusiastic about doing it, which is why I haven't done it much. I think maybe that is reflective of some of the other changes that may or may not be happening in my world. It may just be that my blog needs an overhaul...move the furniture around a bit. Or maybe I need to reassess my purpose for the blog...regain my focus, or determine a new one.

Must ponder....

Muffin

Meet Muffin...

...the newest member of our family...

...she's a 3 year old Miniature Schnauzer...

...and she spent all but the last two weeks of those three years as a breeding dog in a puppy mill. :(

I'll be honest...I've never thought of myself as a dog person. I've always liked dogs more in theory than in practice. However, over the past year, the idea of getting a dog has been one I've batted around more and more. The kids had brought it up a lot, and I kept putting them off. But then we'd go over to the nearby park and see all of the people and their dogs and I realized...I wanted to be a dog person.

So I started scoping out the Petfinder.com listings now and then in the past few months. If we were going to get a dog, it needed to be a small dog that would remain small. I preferred for it to be female and not a puppy. Short hair was also a preference due to Chris's allergies. I thought maybe a Yorkie or a Maltese would be nice, but I never found one that really struck me as right for us. And then last week I did a search for mini schnauzers...my grandmother had one of these dogs when I was a kid, and I loved that dog! She was great. And so I searched and suddenly -- there was Muffin. I don't know why, but I knew she was the right one.

We're basically doing a crash course, learn-as-we-go, of how to deal with a puppy mill survivor. It's clear that patience is going to be key as she learns to trust us and learns what it is to be loved and to be part of a family. Surprisingly, she loves to be held, loves to cuddle. She's slept each night in my daughter's bed. After spending her first full day here mostly sleeping, she finally has begun exploring her new world today, and she finally started to eat as well. Pottying...well...that's going to take time, but we'll deal.

Last evening, I was the only one in the room with her and she was looking around for the kids. I called to her, as we're trying to get her used to her name, and for the first time, she came over to me on her own. It might seem like a simple thing, but I think for her, it is a big, big thing...it was a sign to me that Muffin is going to be ok.

And so now I find myself wiping doggie paws after we've been outside, and calling my daughter from the pet store to have her measure Muffin so I could buy a little jacket to help keep her warm when we go out to do the potty thing. And I find my heart just oozing and melting when this little face comes over to me and wants to be picked up.

My God, I think I am turning into a dog person after all. :}

The tell-tale flutter...

It feels like hundreds of little moth wings, beating rapidly, approaching the inner wall of my chest. Do you know that feeling? 

Unlike butterflies in my stomach, which I associate with the anticipation of something good, moth wings in my chest are a harbinger of anxiety. I don't suffer from chronic or sustained anxiety issues, and I've definitely never had a full-on panic attack. But sometimes life gets a little crazy, and I find myself unable to keep up as well as I'd like. That's when the moths start coming, attracted to the firelight of my growing stress.

I knew this month was going to be a little nuts. Emerging from our summer slothiness, getting back into a regular routine of school...I expect it to be stressful. This being our first high school year, I expected higher than average stress. (I have not been disappointed.) September is also a big appointment month, as we all end up due for yearly check ups, dentist appointments, etc. Running to those makes for choppy, harried days. Then there is the usual fall cleaning and organizing I like to do before the cold months hit, which, this year, coincides with my mother's impending visit in early October. (Must! Clean! Now!) 

The bottom line is that I have felt behind for weeks. I'm tempted to think, in retrospect, that maybe our spontaneous trip to Chicago was a bad idea. I might have used that time more wisely. But no...it was a good trip, and I don't think those four days would have made a huge difference in the big picture. 

What's more pertinent, I realize, is how I'm using my time now. I'm trying so very hard, to use my time wisely. For one thing, I've adjusted my sleep schedule. I'm trying to be in bed by midnight and up by 8 a.m. daily. This is no small feat, night owl that I am. But I'm doing fairly well at it and it is making a difference. (It's amazing how much longer the day feels and how much more I can get done when I'm not sleeping most of the morning away!)

Another thing is that I've reverted to making lists. I used to be a huge proponent of to-do lists, but I got away from them in recent years, taking more of a laissez-faire approach to my days. Right now, I am so not in a laissez-faire stage of life. Lists have become my friends once again. They help keep me on track.

I'm trying, too, to stay off the computer more during the day, at least when it comes to things like the Ravelry boards, reading blogs and being on Facebook with it's crack-like applications, such as -- God help me -- Farkle (if you've never played Farkle, DON'T. I'm warning you now. Just say no!). 

Unfortunately, I'm also trying to be better about how much time I spend doing things like reading for fun, photography, knitting and spinning. The thing is, these are my sanity-savers, so I can't eliminate them. So, I'm using them, instead, as rewards for good behavior. Hey, it works for kids, right? :}

There are a few other stressors going on, but I have no control over them so I'm trying to just pray about them and let them go. These things I've listed here, though, are things I can do something about -- they are in my control -- so I'm trying to, well, control them. I have faith that over the next couple of months, I will get things in hand and the moths will go away. Until then, I'll be living with the flutter.

So much...

I have so much to say.

But I don't have time to say it just now.

What I will say for now...

...I finished my Plath cardi in time for the reunion! Yeay! I'm really pleased with it, even if I do not look pleased in this horrid photo. (Haven't had time for a good photo shoot with it yet, so just look at the sweater and not at me with the weird look on my face. I am, however, wearing the dress I was making the sweater to go with.) As it happened, I never even needed to put the sweater on until I was on my way home that night. Too hot. Figures. LOL Eh. At least I have a nice little sweater to wear this fall!

...our trip to Chicago was fantastic! Very full, lots of fun. I have pictures...lots and lots of pictures...and I'll share some of them just as soon as I can get them processed.

...summer is quickly coming to an end. We'll start our new school year on Monday. Our first year of high school. Eep! I'm ready, though. I think. No, I am ready. It's just a little overwhelming if I focus on it too much.

...as happens every year at this time, I'm in planning mode. Planning for school. Planning for the fall. Hand in hand with planning mode is introspection mode. It comes on especially strongly at this time of year. Maybe it's a force of the season changing? I don't know. I do know that it makes me want to become quiet, and still, and turn myself inward in many ways. Hopefully, I'll manage to strike a balance...inward/outward.

...I need to get a better grip on my time. Short of finding a way to add extra days to the week, I need to make better use of the 168 hours God's already given us weekly. Earlier bedtimes and less time on the computer are key, I think. We'll see how I manage those.

More soon! 

Quiet Sunday mornings...

...are, perhaps, even more wonderful than quiet Saturday mornings. They are also more rare. Most Sunday mornings see us getting ready for the 9 a.m. church service we usually attend. Granted, as the kids have gotten older, that has become a less noisy, less harried process, but still...it is not quiet, nor necessarily peaceful, and it usually isn't lost on me how the preparation to get to church often acts counter to putting one's heart in a worshipful state. Usually it's more like, "Man, let's just get there already!"

Don't get me wrong. I like my church a lot. We have an awesome pastor who shares scripturally-sound messages week after week. He is a dynamic and engaging speaker, which, while not a requirement for a pastor, is certainly a plus in my mind. I love, love, love the people there. Granted, it's not a perfect church, but it's our church home and we're pretty happy there.

Still, there are some Sundays when I (or we) don't go. I used to feel guilty about that, but I really don't anymore. I've found that sometimes, having a quiet Sunday morning at home gives me a chance to be quiet within myself, and that's when I am best able to feel close to God. I might read my Bible or listen to music (I don't listen to contemporary Christian music because very little of it appeals to me, but there are some worship songs that I truly enjoy, or simple instrumental music that calms my soul). Often, though, I'll just go outside and observe creation in my little corner of the world, because that never ceases to remind me God's goodness and wonder and great love.

Though I don't talk about my faith here on the blog much (though it certainly fits with the whole "inspired" theme), it is an important part of my life. I can't remember a time when I didn't believe in God, even when I was very young. I can look back over the past 25 - 30 years and see a distinct path my faith life has taken over time, complete with ups and downs. I cannot imagine having gotten through a lot of things had I not had my faith to rely on. 

Sometimes, in the thick of things, the only thing I can muster by way of faith is remembering that God said, "I AM." (Exodus 3:14, if you want the reference!) To me, that means that God is God. He is never changing. He is always present in my life and in the world. He loves me and he loves those I love more than I could ever love them. I may not understand why some things happen, nor what will happen in the future, but knowing that God is God is enough for me. I trust him, fully and completely.

In recent years, I've found myself on what I think of as spiritual auto-pilot a lot. Not exactly lazy, but not as active as I used to be. (By "active" I don't mean active in my church, I mean active personally in my own faith life...not sure how else to describe it.) My faith is there, and it is stronger than it's ever been, but it is different than when I was younger. Recently I enjoyed a conversation about spiritual issues with a young couple I'm getting to know. One of the things that struck me during our talk was what I've categorized as their youthful exuberance about their faith. It was refreshing and made me smile, remembering that same thing in myself at one time. 

Faith, like anything else though, is a journey, and we don't stay in the same place forever. In my 40s, I don't expect to experience or express my faith in the same ways as I did in my 20s, and that's ok. But being in the presence of a 20-something who is alive with joy from God can be a welcome reminder to turn off the auto-pilot more often and reconnect more actively with the faith that is such an important part of who I am.

Anton Strout and thoughts on writing (mine, not his)...

On a recent bookstore jaunt, I found myself in the fantasy/sci fi section, waiting for Christopher to pick out a new Star Wars novel. A book on the end of the shelf where I was standing caught my eye. Dead to Me by Anton Strout. It was categorized as "urban fantasy," which is a sub-genre I hadn't actually heard of before, but the blurb on the back cover sounded intriguing, so I picked it up. (And paid for it. Really.)

I'm only about halfway through the book (not a commentary on the book, but on my limited reading time in the past few weeks...spinning has been taking up most of my free time), and I usually don't recommend books before I'm finished with them, nor authors I've not read before until I've finished one of their books, but I've got to give a shout out to this book and Mr. Strout. This book is so not what I was expecting...in a good way. Not so much the storyline itself, but the humor. I love the sense of humor with which Strout has endowed the characters. It was totally unexpected for me. Maybe it shouldn't have been, but it was.

I've been following Strout on Twitter lately, which is how I came upon the entry on his blog today that talks about something I know a lot of writers can relate to...the need to write around a day job. I've been fortunate to not have to juggle that in the traditional sense of a 9-5 job, but I distinctly recall from my freelancing days the struggle of balancing the SAHM thing, homeschooling my kids, and trying to make time to write. 

After a fairly lengthy hiatus (about six years...wow...), the desire to writing again has been growing in me. (Fiction, that is...beyond my blog, I have no immediate plans to revisit non-fiction, and the thought of returning to the freelance world makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and whimper.) 

So, what's holding me back? Well, aside from the usual writerly neuroses of little voices telling me I have nothing to write that anyone would ever want to publish, let alone read, I also hesitate because of the time factor. For me (and probably most writers, I'd guess), writing requires entering deeply into another world, and that isn't something that is always easy to do if you know you're not going to be able to stay for long. It would be like having 10 minutes to go to the beach and wanting to swim as far out into the ocean as you can, but knowing you won't have time enough to make it back to shore before the bus leaves.  

There are a lot of important priorities in my life right now. My kids and homeschooling remain at the top. My dedication to kickboxing has become integral to getting myself healthy, and I won't be giving that up. Knitting and spinning provides the sanity break I need here and there throughout my days. So I ask myself...where does writing fit into all of that? Can I make the time to do it justice between the other priorities in my life right now, or will it turned out to be a half-assed effort, or will something else suffer? I'm not sure yet. And I probably won't be sure until I dive in and give it a try. 

I know the bottom line answer, though...if writing is important enough to me, then I will make time for it. Simple as that. (Riiiiiight.)

Gloom, despair, agony...

Ok, maybe not despair and agony. I just like to make use of that line from the old Hee-Haw song whenever an opportunity presents itself! But gloom -- oh, we have gloom! Dreariness abounds! 

It is July 3rd. It has been raining off and on all day. It is currently 67 degrees. I am wearing my comfy-cozy sweat pants. 

I should not be wearing my comfy-cozy sweats pants on July 3rd! Not even in Pittsburgh!

The gloomy gray seems to be seeping into my mood. Despite accomplishing much in the line of household productivity both yesterday and earlier today, as well as spinning some lovely Briar Rose BFL and planning my TdF spinning projects, I'm actually feeling sorta blue this afternoon. What's up with that?

Ok, honestly, I do know what's up with that. Fiber is good for a lot of things, but it cannot completely take the crazy and the drama out of life, and there is a bit of both these going on in the background of my life right now. I'm trying not to dwell on them. I trying to remember to take deep, cleansing breaths to keep myself calm. I'm trying to remember to pray. I'm trying to remember that I do not have to have all the answers. I'm trying to remember that It Will Be OK. I'm trying.

:::breathe in::: :::breathe out:::

I'm ready for the sun to come out, literally and figuratively.  

So, it was the first week of summer vacation...

...and I acted accordingly and did as little as humanly possible other than relax and enjoy the fact that I am (mostly) free from a schedule-driven life for the next three months. Woohoo!

Still, it was not a week without highlights (though they are, regrettably, pictureless highlights), the biggest and happiest of which is the fact that I've reached the six-month mark of going to the gym for kickboxing and martial arts classes. And in those six months? I've lost 35.5 pounds! (Yes, that half a pound is important, so hush!) I'm tempted to think that 35.5 pounds isn't that much until I realize that my four-year-old grandson weighs 35 pounds, and he's a load to pick up and carry around. LOL 

Still, beyond the numbers, I feel wonderful. I haven't felt this good physically in...well...I'm not sure if I've ever felt this good. And the good thing is that I just want to keep on going. I love my gym, the place and the people. I love how the activity there continues to challenge me, even as I get a little better at it week by week. I love that I'm doing something I never would have imagined myself doing, let alone enjoying. Who knew it would take until I was 42 to finally find the my athletic calling, and it would be this? Life's funny.

My other highlight for the week is that I finally have all 20 squares of my swap afghan bordered together! Yeay! All that's left is the outside border, which I'm doing in the same block-length segments as the inside borders (this was not how I was originally going to do it, but it seems right now that I've reached this point). So, I've got two of the 18 outer borders done, and they are going quickly, so I'm really hoping I'll have this afghan completely done by the end of the weekend. And then I'll share a picture of it!

Ok...I guess those are my two highlights for the week. Tomorrow I'm going with the hubby and a couple friends to the Kenny Chesney concert at Heinz Field. I am so NOT a country music fan, but Kevin is, and it's the only live music I can get him to go to. I DO love me some loud, live music, and as country artists go, KC's music doesn't make me wretch, and, let's face it, he's kinda hot. Ahem. And there will be beer. :}

Happy weekend!

Life is good...

...you know? Sometimes you can't explain why, it just is. There are times when it dawns on me that I'm having a most excellent day. I want to take a deep breath and inhale all of the beauty and goodness and light and joy around me because I can't believe how good it is. I want to sing loudly with every song I hear. I want to laugh with my kids. I want to do everything I enjoy doing, all at the same time. I want to drink in the green of the trees and the blue of the sky and absorb the heat of the sun all the way to my core.

Today was one of those days. I felt inexplicably happy and thankful for my life. It is a good life. And even though I know that any number of variables in my life could turn on a dime and come crashing down around me, days like today give me hope that maybe, even in the face of trauma or tragedy, I'd still be able to say, "Life is good," because as much as it might seem otherwise, I know it isn't the circumstances that make it so. It's the One who made it all, and he never turns or changes.

Life is good. :)

So is this recipe for Whole Wheat Banana Nut Bread I made today. We had one sad, black-ish banana in the basket, and I suddenly found myself craving banana nut bread last night. Despite my penchant for late-night baking, I was too tired to make it last night when the urge was strong, but I did at least search up this healthier recipe for it and made it this morning. Yummy! (The only changes I made to the recipe were to substitute 1/2 c. applesauce for the oil and to add about a tsp. of cinnamon.)

My weekend knitting consisted solely of working on the garter borders for my swap afghan...

...it's coming along and I'm totally loving it. I got all four vertical strips joined, and now I'm working on joining the third strip to the first two that are already together. I love the crazy colors and how they're just there, random. I can't wait to have it done! This week. That is my goal for this week...to finish this fun, crazy, happy project. (Then I'll return to the lace!)

Happy scraps!